this just in...

A recent, fictions study shows that bigger booties are better for dancing... especially to Beyoncé songs.

Liz Whitt, an accomplished "Single Lady" recently came to the conclusion that percentage of junk in the trunk is directly proportional to quality of Beyoncé- esque dance moves. "I always knew that there was something about me that made me a much better dancer than all of my friends," Whitt claims, "it just took me a while to connect my mad skills to my outrageous badonkadonk!" Earlier this year Whitt tested her theory

on her college cross country team... a group of girls with notoriously small bums. With a lot of coaching and practice the girls were able to shake it at a moderate level, but it was only the girls worthy of adding the title of maximus to their gluteus that were able to truly shake it as one would a polaroid picture. Whitt's research shows that there is something about the interaction between the protrusion of booty and the natural effects of gravity. So what does this mean for all of the members of the ghetto booty club? "I suppose it means they should consider dancing to Beyoncé more often, I know I will!"

sweet dreams, or a dinosaur nightmare.

“To be, or not to be: that is the question:
 whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
 the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
 or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
 and by opposing end them? To die, to sleep, no more. And by a sleep to say we end 
the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks 
that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
 devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep,
 to sleep, perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub…” Hamlet

Wikipedia would have you believe that dreams are a series of thoughts, emotions, ideas, feelings, and or events that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. But if you are disciple of this blog you are too smart to believe that dreams are that simple. If dreams are simply ideas how can one wake up from a dream physically exhausted!?! Why are the sights, sounds, and smells, and manly pectorals so vivid!?! Why are the plot lines and concepts far more imaginative and witty than anything we are able to devise with our waking minds!?! Ah! dreams have to originate from a deep magical source far too complicated for the average human mind to grasp.

Since it is impossible to understand the origin of dreams, it may also be impossible to explain the meaning of dreams. I’m not really too worried about this… because I don’t know if I really want to understand my dreams… they’ve been pretty messed up…

I’m not one to have the same thought twice, but I am plagued by two reoccurring dream sequences. Below I have an illustrated description of those reoccurring and life shaping dreams I have had…

***********Caution entering the mind of Liz*************

The dinosaur dreams….

Ok, so in an exploration of my dream conscience, the dinosaur dreams are the main event. For some reason, dreams about these monster lizards have plagued me on and off for many years. Traditionally the only dinosaur I had

to deal with was the Tyrannosaurus-rex. Now I know enough about this “tyrant lizard” to know that his eyesight is not phenomenal… plus he has a huge head, little wimpy arms, and cannot run in serpentine fashion. I was never too worried when he appeared in my dreams. I always used my ninja skills and small stature to elude the giant! However…. Lately a diff

erent scaly daemon has been haunting my dreams. The T-rex was suddenly and alarmingly replaced by the velociraptor… and just so you know…the velociraptor is WAY scarier than the t-rex!!!!

All of these reoccurring dreams about dinos got me kind of worried, so I did what any sane person would do… I googled what it meant to dream about dinosaurs:

Dinosaur 
To see a dinosaur in your dream, symbolizes an outdated attitude. You may need to discard your old ways of thinking and habits. To dream that you are being chased by a dinosaur, indicates your fears of no longer being needed or useful. Alternatively, being chased by a dinosaur, may reflect old issues that are still coming back to haunt you.

Ok, I get it! Dinosaurs = old (what a revelation… not). Lets apply this knowledge to one of my more memorable dinosaur dreams:

It all started on the track (hmmmm, maybe this is the “problem”). I was running the “10 K”, lap, after lap, after lap… It had to be more than a 10K. Each time I ran past the starting line I was greeted by the cheers of my teammates, the encouraging comments of my friends, and the “constructive critism” of mama D (my coach) “hmmmm, this could also be the problem”. On perhaps the 50^th lap I passed the starting line expecting the cheers and cries and was meet with nothing but silence… everyone was gone! Of course I had to run another lap before I figured out what was going on. On the 51^st lap (or so) I realized that everyone had fled from a pack of raptors… that’s right the stadium was full of horrifying raptors, and everyone had fled (my coach included) in helicopters, leaving me running on the track in raptor infested grounds. I ran to an old abandoned shed for cover (very Jurassic park, I know). As I waited for everyone to realize they left me behind (I should mention how angry I was). I defended my building, actually killing one of the raptors with a led pipe. During my epic combat, I was unfortunately injured and the blood from my wound only attracted more raptors. Luckily, I woke up to the sound of helicopters coming to get me!

Hmmm, so how would I interpret this dream? I need to stop running track I guess? (I still don’t understand the part about the raptors…).

The bear dreams…

If I’m not tormented by nasty reptiles in my dreams, it’s the fuzzy cuddly… terrifying… bear… actually it’s always 3 bears, and it’s always grizzly bears (grizzlies are terrifying… unlike black bears which are actually just big dogs… or small badgers). At first the bear dreams weren’t especially dangerous. I just needed to get through an obstacle course of grizzly bears to get to a safe spot. Then the dreams got a little more complicated. Once in a dream my speech partner was dismembered and eaten by a grizzly bear, and numerous times I’ve barely (ha… ha… ha…) made it to the cabin only to realize that there is no way my family members and/or friends are not going to make it.

I spend a fairly good amount of time in grizzly infested areas, so these dreams kind of worry me… again I looked to google for answers:

To see a bear in your dream, symbolizes independence, the cycle of life, death and renewal. It may signal of period of introspection and thinking. The dream may also be a pun on "bare". Perhaps you need to bare your soul and let everything out into the open. To dream that you are being pursued or attacked by a bear, denotes aggression, overwhelming obstacles and competition. You may find yourself in a threatening situation…

Hmmm… how vague can they be?

Because they hibernate, bears can symbolize cycles; birth death awakening motif; power or overpowering (the big as bear); your own cyclic activity or abilities. Is it time for your to awaken into activity, or to hibernate and renew your energy? Mythologically, bears represent mothering , the archetype of the Great Bear. In Greek mythology the bear is associated with Artemis(Roman, Diana,) goddess of the moon and woods(fertility and the unconscious), and was associated with the Virgin Mary in medieval writings. Bearskins have protective and magical power, hence the fearless Nordic warriors.

Ok, so because I dream about bears: I may need to take longer naps, beware of death, I could be a goddess… or a mother?, maybe I’m facing aggression or overwhelming obstacles? Hmmm… clear as mud. I suppose I’ll keep dreaming about monsters, perhaps the next step is dinosaurs vs bears… I’ll keep you posted.

... sweet dreams...

lucky strike.

Last month, toy company Mattel announced its plans to sell Mad Men Barbie dolls. As an avid fan of the TV show about life, love, and advertising in the 1960s - and an avid fan of Barbie - I was excited.    

Initially, these dolls are classy. Putting them in context, you can distinguish by dress and hairstyle which character each doll represents. And even though Joan's figure is obviously too small and Don's face is extremely feminine-looking, I can forgive Mattel for wishing to construct these characters following Barbie's ostensible standards of anatomy. However, there is something missing...there is no alcohol or tobacco in sight.


In an article featured in the NY times on March 9, Stuart Elliott writes, "But for the sake of the Barbie image, her immersion in the 'Mad Men' era will go only so far: The dolls come with period accessories like hats, overcoats, pearls and padded undergarments, but no cigarettes, ashtrays, martini glasses or cocktail shakers." In an era where society is extremely sensitive to the vulnerability of children, it makes sense that Mattel would decide to leave out items associated with "grown-up" behaviors like drinking and smoking. Yet, these behaviors - and others, including lying, cheating, and adultery - are important elements to the show. These characters manifest them so gracefully and tactfully that they seem glamorous; this presentation of vice and debauchery gives off a certain beauty that cannot be attained in real life.


So in response to Mattel's inability to capture the entire essence of Mad Men, I sketched a series of pastels of different characters smoking.* Overlooking its usual stigma, I've attempted to illustrate the seductive aspect of the habit. And it gave me an excuse not to work on homework. 

Joan Holloway 

Don Draper

Betty Draper

And even though I don't have the money, I'm still considering spending the $74.95 for a doll. 

*More sketches may soon be added. 

where you lead, i will follow.

Inspired by Liz's previous post, I thought I would do my own top ten list. Instead of shining stars of hollywood, I am going to bring you shining stars of French history. (Yes, roll your eyes, I don't care.) Yet among all the writers, artists, and thinkers, it is difficult to choose from such a wide array of talent and magnificence. Therefore I present to you, dear reader, the top ten hottest leaders in French history.

10. Clovis I


In the fifth century C.E., Clove was the first king of France (Gaul), uniting the all the Frankish clans under one rule. He was a Catholic convert and held his coronation in the sacred cathedral of Notre-Dame de Reims, setting the tradition for all the other kings that followed. He is a true go-getter and he even looks good without a shirt on.  

9. Vercingetorix


Before Clovis united the Franks under a monarchial rule, Trixie united the Franks in revolt against the evil Roman Empire in the 50s B.C.E. With his golden locks and his long flowing beard, he was a courageous and determined leader. Although he fell victim to the Roman menace and was brutally executed by Caesar, he has since been seen as a great hero of France, and a hero of mine.

8. Maximilien Robespierre


Max has charm and brains, which makes him worthy of my list. Yes, he may have been the demagogue of the dreadful Reign of Terror during the French Revolution, but he had his reasons. He truly believed in a new and better France to the point where he even gave his head for it. That is true dedication...and he has a nice smile.

7. Charlemagne


Charlie is possibly the greatest ruler in all of French history, overseeing and expanding the vast Frankish Empire in the late 8th century. He was bold, strong, militant, and highly valued education. Having started the first public schools and translated important books into the vernacular, French school children have both glorified and cursed his name throughout the centuries. But as we know, I would fall into the former category.

6. Cardinal Mazarin


Although Italian in origin, Mazi was the chief minister of France in the mid-17th century. With the toddler king Louis XIV and his mother, Anne of Austria, Mazi steered the reins of the French monarchy until his death in 1661. He was sharp and attractive; and with that mustache, not even Anne could resist him. There are rumors that the two were lovers and from what I've seen on French television, he was very good in bed...

5. Louis XIV

Taking after his mentor above, Lou #14 was a captivating fellow. He had a refined taste for culture, taking up ballet, theatre, equestrianship, as well as building the exquisite palace of Versailles. So dashing with his auburn curly locks and his long chiseled legs, he just lights me up...no wonder he is called the "Sun King."

4. Jean Moulin


Perhaps the most handsome of all the men featured on this list, Jean is also the most audacious. A recognized leader of the French Resistance during World War II, Jean Moulin fought and gave his life to free his beloved country from the hands of a despotic regime. Calm, cool, and collected, he demonstrates a sort of bravery that makes my heart melt.

3. Napoléon I


I couldn't have a top ten French leaders list without Poléon here. He is the epitome of what a French leader must possess...brawns, talent, smarts, patriotism, and a hefty ego. Within the chaos of the French Revolution, he was clever enough to gather the wits and loyalty of the French people to follow his lead. And to top it off, he was even able gain enough fervor to crown himself emperor. He is truly one who cannot be beat...and I can forgive him for Waterloo.    

2. Gérard Depardieu


Okay, Gérry here is not officially a leader in the political sense, but come on...he has probably more fame and more stamina than most French leaders have ever had. He is known - and liked - all over the world and has appeared in literally hundreds of films over the course of his lifetime. He truly has a nose for leadership. And let's face it, he is hot.

1. Charles de Gaulle


France wouldn't be what it is today if it weren't for CDG...the man of the twentieth century. Having  known from the very beginning that France was getting itself into trouble once defeated in World War II, he rallied up the Free French who ultimately overcame the Vichy government and the Nazi occupiers. Once granting France's freedom, he was the chief organizer in rehabilitating the French government, eventually serving as the first president of the Fifth Republic. Tall, strong, and tough, CDG does not take bullshit from anyone while invigorating the minds and hearts of the French people with magnificent speeches: "Car la France n’est pas seule! Elle n’est pas seule! Elle n’est pas seule!"