the mermaid problem.

For her hair is green as seaweed and her skin is blue and pale

And I tell you now before you start you can love that girl with all your heart

But you're just gonna love the upper part you're not gonna like the tail

-     Shel Silverstein, “The Mermaid”

That’s right, the mermaid problem. If you google it, you will find plenty of sites dedicated to the topic, including a whole Wikipedia article. The mermaid problem concerns “the difficulty of having sexual intercourse with a mermaid.” Or a merman.

Looking at adult issues in Disney films, we recently brought up the mermaid problem in discussion about the Little Mermaid. Originally, we were concerned with mermaid/merman relations. How do merpeople procreate? They’re half fish, half human. On one end of the spectrum, it’s obvious that merpeople would procreate like any other fish. The mermaid lays eggs and the merman fertilizes them externally. (Makes you think twice before eating cavier…) But on the other end, they’re human. So wouldn’t they naturally want the pleasure and satisfaction of sex? This is where we run into trouble.

Mermaids have always been portrayed as sex symbols. Even Disney depicts Ariel as almost completely naked with the exception of her seashell brassiere, of which little boys and girls unconsciously ogle. The voluptuousness and the erotica of mermaids make them an incredible catch; they are consistently hunted by greedy humans who lust after such rare creatures. 

Mermen however do not have the same type of sex appeal. No matter how ripped a merman may be - bulky biceps and chiseled abs - the fish tail gives him somewhat of an effeminate and scaly effect. From goofy-looking smiles to salacious embraces to model-like poses, a google search of mermen brings up countless images of homoerotica.  

And Ariel's father, King Triton, looks frighteningly like Pastor Benson with fins. 

Going back to the mermaid problem, there have been numerous pop culture references to the sexual intrigue of mermaids. Will Ferrell encounters Reese Witherspoon as a mermaid in an episode of Saturday Night Live, initiating in a rousing discussion about her sexual capabilities. Fry in Futurama has frustrations in the bedroom with a mermaid in the underwater city of “Atlanta.” The fantastic Oscar Wilde even mentions a man’s kindled love for women’s legs after having experience with a mermaid in the story “The Fisherman and His Soul.” Each of these references express aggravation of loving a mermaid simply because she is missing something that humans naturally find important.

The only kind of reconciliation for the mermaid problem has been the “reverse” mermaid. In the grand scheme of things, it's the bottom part that counts, right? Lois from Family Guy befriends a merman with the top part of a fish and the bottom part male, yet refused to do anything with him due to his awkward upper appearance. However, Shel Silvertein’s hero in “The Mermaid” falls in love with a reverse mermaid, saying, “And I don't give a damn about the upper part and that's how I end my tale.”

Ultimately, Ariel desires to be part of our world because she wants more. Flipping her fins, she doesn't get too far. Legs are required for jumping, dancing...and other things.